When Captain Meets Captain
by enigma-kar
Summary: Captain Jack Harkness accidentally lands on the Enterprise. Hilarity, confusion, a bit of awkwardness and some unexpected revelations ensue. Implied McKirk and Janto.


**Disclaimer: **Star Trek and Torchwood belong to their respective owners (i.e. not me)

_So it's not the most imaginative title in the world, but please enjoy the below crossover. I certainly enjoyed writing it. :P Also, please feel free to leave a review - it only takes a mo and I'd love the feedback. Finally - the thanks, once again, goes out to _Evets.

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When Captain Meets Captain

The last thing Captain James Kirk expected that day was for a strange man to suddenly appear on his bridge. He'd been in deep conversation with Dr. McCoy, who was in full CMO mode, when the event happened (where 'deep conversation' referred to his attempts to get out of his upcoming medical check-up).

In turn, the last place Captain Jack Harkness expected to land was on the bridge of the USS Enterprise. He'd been playing around with his vortex manipulator in his office at the Hub, in an attempt to get it to work again. He never expected it to work so well.

"What the...?" Kirk rose from his chair. "Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get onboard?"

"Captain, we're at warp speed," Sulu cut in, eye glancing between the new arrival and Kirk. "No one can get on board without being beamed."

"Mr Sulu is correct, Captain," Spock said as he and Uhura made his way to the captain's side, for a clearer view of the newcomer. "This should be impossible."

Kirk repeated his question and gestured for Sulu and Chekov to come and stand by him, away from the new arrival. While the man didn't look like a big threat, he wasn't going to put his crew in unnecessary danger.

"Hey," Jack began with a smile before he frowned and turned to take in his surroundings. "Wait, is this...?" he trailed off, eyes growing big as he realised where he was.

"I demand you answer me," Kirk said. Jack ignored him and the others for a moment as he tapped his vortex manipulator. After all those years on Earth it was impossible for Jack to avoid the multitude of sci-fi movies and TV shows. He just hadn't realised that such a place could actually exist in the future.

"2259," he muttered, before breaking into a large smile. "That would mean..." He turned to Kirk and his grin widened as he offered a hand. "Captain Jack Harkness and the pleasure is all mine, Captain Kirk." Jack winked and McCoy rolled his eyes; this guy was almost as bad as Jim.

"How do you know me?" Kirk asked, not taking Jack's hand.

"How could I _not_ know you?" Jack replied, seemingly unfazed by Kirk's refusal. "You're Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise."

"I had no idea you were so well known, Captain," Sulu said.

"His ego's bigger than you think," McCoy replied.

"Hey!" Kirk protested. "You don't say that kind of stuff in front of a potentially dangerous intruder."

"I'm not dangerous," Jack said, firmly.

"Then how did you get on board?" Spock asked, his calm and quizzical tone almost making Jack laugh.

Jack coughed slightly, before tapping his vortex manipulator. "By using this."

"What is it?" Kirk said.

"Just your basic time and space hopper," Jack replied. "Not the best out there, but it suits my needs."

"You mean to suggest you are from the future?"

"God, not again," McCoy sighed.

"Oh, I'm from all over Spocky," Jack grinned.

"Spocky?" Kirk raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"It would appear you know us all," Spock commented, ignoring his own captain.

"Know you all? I based my _own_ team on yours," Jack said.

"Really?" Kirk raised an eyebrow.

"And here comes the ego," McCoy groaned with another eyeroll which Jack knew would have made Ianto proud.

"Sure. You've got your smart guys," Jack gestured to Spock, Sulu and Chekov. "And your good looking gals," he grinned at Uhura, who blushed slightly. "You've even got your resident grumpy, sarcastic doctor," he turned to McCoy who glared back.

"That isn't fair; Bones isn't always grumpy," Kirk said. "I know, for a fact, he's rather... lively after hours," he turned and winked at the doctor, who blushed slightly much to the surprise of everyone. Everyone including Jack, who raised an eyebrow in brief surprise before muttering something incoherently, which sounded like, 'never would have guessed that'.

"Guessed what exactly?" Spock asked, obviously having heard him.

"Oh, I don't think that's for me to tell," Jack said, now grinning between McCoy and Kirk as the Vulcan frowned, oblivious. There was a briefly awkward pause before Jack spoke again. "Anyway, it's been great meeting you all, but I should be heading back to my own team. Send my regards to Scotty; tell him to have a glass of scotch on me."

"How do you know... don't worry," Kirk said with a shake of his head. Then, grinning, he took Jack's hand as he offered it in farewell.

"Enjoy the lively after hours," Jack winked again at McCoy, who sighed and shook his head incredulously. This Captain was definitely worse than Jim. "And I'll see you guys around, maybe," Jack turned to the others and gave a brief salute, before tapping his vortex manipulator and disappearing, leaving the rather stunned crew behind.

A few seconds passed in silence before McCoy coughed. "Well, this has been awkward enough. Jim, report to med-bay at 1400 today for your medical. I don't care how much you embarrass me; you're not getting out of it." McCoy turned to leave. He hadn't quite made it to the turbolift when a noise made him turn back again. Captain Jack Harkness reappeared on the bridge.

"That said," he began. "I should make it clear that I'm _not_ shagging the grumpy medic on my team. I didn't want to cramp your style, Kirk. I shag the teaboy instead." Jack gave a satisfied nod before disappearing once more.

Slowly, everyone turned to look at McCoy. Never had the doctor wanted to disappear so badly.


End file.
